So there is the superficial awareness of the tree, the bird, the door, and there is the response to that, which is thought, feeling, emotion. Now when we become aware of this response, we might call it a second depth of awareness. There is the awareness of the rose, and the awareness of the response to the rose. Often we are unaware of this response to the rose. In reality it is the same awareness which sees the rose and which sees the response. It is one movement and it is wrong to speak of the outer and inner awareness. When there is a visual awareness of the tree without any psychological involvement there is no division in relationship. But when there is a psychological response to the tree, the response is a conditioned response, it is the response of past memory, past experiences, and the response is a division in relationship. This response is the birth of what we shall call the "me" in relationship and the "non-me".
Chapter- Awareness. Book- The Urgency of Change.
End of Quote.
When an ordinary person, after becoming aware of a tree, door and a flower, he may choose to think about it. But he would not consider the thinking as a Response, to what he has seen. When thinking, he will not consider the thinking as an activity not done by himself, as Not Me. He will feel that he is choosing or not choosing to think. Thinking about a tree, door or a flower is a choice for him.
But on the other hand, when Krishnamurti become aware of a tree, door and a flower, two things can happen to him.
1. The awareness ending itself, without causing or forcing a Response from Krishnamurti,
2. Or K is forced to Responded, which is 'Thinking', as there is no way where K can make a choice here as to 'Think' or 'not to Think'.
So if K is 'Responding', that is if K is 'Thinking', then it is 'Not Me' who is thinking. It is a Condition therefore, which K cannot choose to avoid. It is a Condition based on the past images, words and knowledge purely,
Then this Thinking or Response, apart from creating 'Not me', which is the Thinking itself, which is the Division or Fragmentation of the mind, there is an outcome of this Division. That is insecurity, fear and sufferings.
So let us examine Why this happens to Krishnamurti, but not to an ordinary person.
An ordinary person, even if he becomes aware of his 'Thoughts', the Response, he would not consider it as a Response, but would take it as, "I am thinking". So this shows Krishnamurti is not thinking on his own, but forced to think, To Respond, which he has no control, but only can be aware of this 'Thinking', The Response, which he calls the second depth of awareness.
An ordinary person would reveal his thinking to others, communicate with others, about the tree or anything, without receiving any negative comments or denials. Hence, he would not feel insecure in thinking. No doubt would arise of what he has thought. No fear would arise to communicate, what he thinks. All these thinking applies to practical nature of one's activities. But for a person like Krisnamurti, because of the Gaps in the mind, may be it a cognitive gap or memory gap or both, all the problems arise, leading to insecurity in thinking, as thinking happens to oneself, having no control over it. Then doubt arise, whether the 'Thought' is correct. Hence, fear arise to communicate it. This situation leads to suffering.
Let me give an example of a Memory Gap, where K tries to Respond to the Door.
Example:
Krishnamurti at the back of the class. The door to the class is at the back of the class, near to K. Someone is knocking at the door, which is closed, and has to be opened by turning the door handle and pulling inside.
Teacher - Krishna, go open the door.
K goes to the door. He is aware 'open' and 'door' of the words of the teacher. These awareness of the two words, brings into the Memory of him 'opening' a 'door' by pushing outward, in his house. The memory of 'Turing the handle' and pulling inwards are absent.
Hence, he pushes the door outward, even does not touch the handle.
Children - Krishna, turn the handle and pull the door in!
Krisahnamurti is trying to Respond to the awareness of the words, "Krishna, turn the handle and pull the door in!", but in trying to respond to those words he becomes aware of, the only memory which crops into his mind is, pushing the door open at his house. Hence, K even without touching the handle, puses the door outwards,again.
All the children laugh and one child gets up and comes to open the door.
Hence, unable to think correctly and act correctly, that is Respond correctly within and without, K start to be insecure in his acts of thinking as well as actions and speech, based on the thinking. He starts to disown his own thinking as 'Not Me'. So when there is 'Thinking' he feels it a s a response to what he became aware of.
This response brings in 'Doubt', whether it be correct. The 'Doubt' creates fear, insecurity. All this cause sufferings and continued experiences like this cement the Condition, which is Thinking in terms of past, without being able to compare the past to the present cognition, as cognition is absent as well as memory, and thus without being able to Cognize the present and think accordingly.
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